The Things I'd Do For You
by jane novak
Summary: Casey-Olivia Not long after breaking up with Casey, Olivia suddenly goes missing while on duty. With the dots connected, the truth behind all surprised the ADA and the rest of the SVU. Most chapters will have a theme song. Disclaimer: This is for entertainment. All characters belong to their respective owners and songs belong to their singer. Not for profit
1. Chapter 1

**The Things I'd Do For You.**

Disclaimer: This is merely for entertainment. All charcters belong to their respective owners and songs belong to their singer. Not for profit.

_Casey__Olivia long after breaking up with Casey, Olivia suddenly goes missing while on the dots connected, the truth behind all surprised the ADA and the rest of the SVU. First chapter inspired by Mariah Carey's song "My All". _

Chapter 1: Casey 

**_I am thinking of you_**

**_In my sleepless solitude tonight_**

"Olivia…." Casey whispered as she looked on at empty side of the bed_. Olivia should be there._ Trying her best to hold back the tears, it decided to flow from her emerald eyes down to the pillow. Olivia had been missing for a month already. While chasing after a suspect, the brunette mysteriously vanished in the woods without a trace. The only thing she left behind was her cell phone sticking out of the mud. Searches were fruitless. Continuous rain worsened the situation for the search team. All possible tracks were washed away. No body was ever found and this left things hanging without closure for everyone in SVU.

**_If it's wrong to love you_**

**_Then my heart just won't let me be right_**

Flashbacks of the bad breakup they had repeated in her mind. **"**_You were wrong to love me Casey, so wrong_**". **Those words Olivia said broke her heart so badly because she knew she couldn't live without that detective. And she knew her heart wasn't lying. No one had ever made her feel so much love both true and sincere. Why did she even let her go?

_**'Cause I've drowned in you**_

**_And I won't pull through_**

**_Without you by my side_**

"Oh God, Olivia where are you? Come back to me… don't leave me like this." she sobbed. She continued to cry. It was so hard to manage this by her self. She couldn't tell anyone. No one knew of her relationship with Olivia. They were discreet and managed to keep it a secret for 3 years plus. She conveniently moved in to an apartment next to Olivia's when the tenant vacated. It simplified things for them by making everything looked pretty normal that being close and being seen together frequently didn't raise much suspicion. Olivia was adamant that things stay a secret then and after breaking up- to behave like nothing ever happened.

**_I'd give my all to have_**

**_Just one more night with you_**

**_I'd risk my life to feel_**

**_Your body next to mine_**

**_'Cause I can't go on_**

**_Living in the memory of our song_**

**_I'd give my all for your love tonight_**

The sorrow laced with anxiety got to her some nights that work couldn't keep off. Those feeling brought her bouts of crying. She cried till daybreak or till she slept out of exhaustion. She wasn't spared from nightmares of bad things happening to the missing detective; rudely waking her up scaring her so bad she almost went hysterical. However, Casey managed to hide her feelings well during the day. She was on a private mission. The last thing she wanted was to be fired or the others to find out she was in a relationship with Olivia. She needed to be strong and go on. If something bad did happen to Olivia, she wanted to be the prosecutor for the case.

**_Baby can you feel me_**

**_Imagining I'm looking in your eyes_**

**_I can see you clearly_**

**_Vividly emblazoned in my mind_**

**_And yet you're so far_**

**_Like a distant star_**

**_I'm wishing on tonight_**

Sighing as she looked again at the empty spot, sweeping her fingers on the sheets while reminiscing the good times and the months before they broke up. She couldn't dismiss the feeling of regret over the break up, agreeing easily out of rage toward the brunette's infidelity and how she simply dismissed the possibility that something was threatening the detective. This might not have happened if she didn't take that road. It was too late to change the past. The future maybe uncertain but until Olivia's body was found there was still hope.

**_I'd give my all to have_**

**_Just one more night with you_**

**_I'd risk my life to feel_**

**_Your body next to mine_**

**_'Cause I can't go on_**

**_Living in the memory of our song_**

**_I'd give my all for your love tonight_**

_**Give my all for your love**_

**_Tonight._**

"I love you Olivia..." Casey whispered into the darkness as she closed her eyes to sleep.

to be continued. Rate and reviews appreciated. Thank you. :)


	2. Chapter 2

**The Things I'd Do For You.**

Disclaimer: copyright belong to their respective owners. This chapter is loosely based on One Republic's Stop and stare. I'm pretty new to the sites layout, so sorry for the funny formatting. Italics are for flashback or recounts, bold italics are used for song lyrics .

**Chapter 2 – I've Become What I Can't Be**

She looked at her head in the mirror and her fingers traced along her scalp, where her rich brunette hair once was. She had shaved it all away. Sighing as she put on a black wig and looking at her own eyes now as black as the coffee she loved because of a contact lens she recently learned to wear. Putting on her binder to conceal her breasts she sighed some more. "Well, looks like this is how it will be from now on" she mentally said to herself while buttoning her blue checkered shirt up and tucking it into the slacks.

Checking out the work on her self in the mirror she was satisfied. She could pass on as a guy, quite a handsome one too. She sat on the edge of her bed feeling slightly squeamish and guilty about what she had just done. Never thought she would come to this.

Her thoughts drifted back to day she went running after a prep. She could see Elliot closing in on the criminal hence it could be her chance to disappear. The current downpour would make a perfect distraction and with no sign of letting up any sooner it would be hard to track her down. Also no one expected anything of such nature from her.

**32 days earlier**

_ "__Stop! " Elliot yelled as he chased after the prep. He cursed when he saw a fork while looking at Olivia who was standing in front of him .Before he could say anything. "I'll take the right you go left El," Olivia shouted over the rain. She saw the prep going to left and she purposely went the other direction leaving Elliot alone in the pursuit. She was sure Elliot could catch him. Elliot headed there as told and moments later he saw the prep running for his dear life Elliot quickened his pace making the prep panic and finally stumbling on some stones sent him crashing onto the ground. Elliot tackled him and hand-cuffed him. _

_The thuds and the sound of the prep shouted all manner of profanity acted as a confirmation for Olivia that the prep had successfully been nabbed. She quietly slinked away lightly, quickly walking about 100 meters away. Answering her cell phone one last time Olivia notified that she will join them soon. That was the last time Elliot heard from her. "I'm going to miss you all" she whispered before throwing her cell phone into mud as far as she could on purpose. She wanted to mislead them. Now changing her direction, she went further away cautiously. . _

**_This town is colder now, I think it's sick of us_**

**_It's time to make our move, I'm shakin' off the rust_**

**_I've got my heart set on anywhere but here_**

**_I'm staring down myself, counting up the years_**

**_Steady hands just take the wheel_**

**_Every glance is killing me_**

**_Time to make one last appeal_**

**_For the life I live_**

_The rain got heavier and cleared her foot tracks and she wasn't wearing her bullet proof vest this time around it was ideal, everything she could hope for when she planned her escape. She walked till she reached a river and put her gun and badge in a bag tied it to her body as she slowly waded in the river going downstream. The current was rather rapid but with her adrenalin pumping she could control herself and continued down stream._

**_Stop and stare_**

**_I think I'm moving but I go nowhere_**

**_Yeah, I know that everyone gets scared_**

**_But I've become what I can't be, oh_**

**_Stop and stare_**

**_You start to wonder why you're here not there_**

**_And you'd give anything to get what's fair_**

**_But fair ain't what you really need_**

**_Oh, can you see what I see'_**

_She crawled out of the water when she reached her intended destination, a small house she rented on an alias to hide her things required for her disappearing act. She had carefully planned all of this earlier but had trouble finding the opportunity to disappear and thinking maybe she should just wait for some super rainy days. She needed rain and confusion. Things fell into place; she did not expect the prep to make things easy for her by running into the woods. Prior to that she had thought of making an excuse to actually search there and go missing however the risk of the prep escaping outweighed her. It was still raining and that bought her more time. She put on some gloves then quickly changed and put on a wig with a hat transforming herself into a completely different person. No one would ever guess she was Detective Benson. She cleared up any evidence and finally headed out. _

**_They're tryin' to come back, all my senses push_**

**_Untie the weight bags, I never thought I could_**

**_Steady feet, don't fail me now_**

**_I'm gonna run till you can't walk_**

**_Something pulls my focus out_**

**_And I'm standing down_**

_Treading carefully in a different shoe till she reached civilization, she threw the current muddy shoes away, replacing it with a pair of loafers. The moment she reached her new apartment Mission__Escape was completed._

Snapping back into reality, Olivia's thoughts moved over to Casey. She was worried about her and how she would take the news. She felt bad about the breakup at the same time deeply regretted ever making a move on Casey. She just hoped that the break up being initiated by Casey herself would make a transition process easier for the ADA to find her own happiness as their relationship ended before she disappeared. It wasn't fair but life itself isn't fair either. Why some of the rapist healthy and some innocent people had cancer and the likes? Just contemplating this alone was enough drive anyone crazy.

**_Stop and stare_**

**_I think I'm moving but I go nowhere_**

**_Yeah, I know that everyone gets scared_**

**_But I've become what I can't be, oh_**

**_Stop and stare_**

**_You start to wonder why you're here not there_**

**_And you'd give anything to get what's fair_**

**_But fair ain't what you really need_**

**_Oh, you don't need_**

Watching her own reflection in the mirror again Olivia winced. She too needed to adapt. She was not totally comfortable but it had to be done. Having experience in undercover job over the years made it physically easy but mentally she wasn't really ready. Honestly unsure how long she could keep up with the facade, her fate was a total sick joke on her. Time is ticking for her. She wouldn't have very long to live. She knew deep down Casey would never be with another person if she didn't leave her and she got a definite answer for that when the red head got really drunk spewing her deepest secrets for her to know. Her loyalty made Olivia more determined to go on with her plan

**_Stop and stare_**

**_I think I'm moving but I go nowhere_**

**_Yeah, I know that everyone gets scared_**

**_I've become what I can't be_**

**_Oh, do you see what I see?_**

She got more uneasy thinking about the rest of the SVU. She abandoned them and gave them regret and mental torture. She left her duties and broke the law too boot. The persona of a responsible detective and a wonderful lover had become dead. Olivia Nicole Benson is now Benjamin Leroy Johnson "Casey I'm sorry it had to be like this. God... I've become what I can't be" she whispered as tears rolled down on her cheeks.

Thanks for reading


	3. Chapter 3

**The Things I'd Do For You.**

Disclaimer:

Copyright belong to their respective owners. This chapter is loosely based on One Republic's Stop and stare. I'm pretty new to the sites layout, so sorry for the funny formatting. Italics are for flashback or recounts, bold italics are used for song lyrics

**Author's note: **Ben, Benjamin = Olivia. To prevent confusion, Ben will be referred as he. "Against All Odds" by Phil Collins inspired some parts of this chapter. All copyrights belong to their respective owners. Entertainment purposes only**.**

**Chapter 3- The 45 days**

Day 7

**_How can I just let you walk away,_**

**_Just let you leave without a trace_**

**_When I stand here taking every breath with you, ooh_**

**_You're the only one who really knew me at all_**

"Liv, I've got him!" "Elliot half shouted into his cell phone. "Great! See you guys at the precinct." Olivia replied. Elliot's memory kept going back to incident at the fork where they separated. He half wished it was the other way around; he went right instead of her. Maybe she we wouldn't have gone missing. It was the last time he saw her alive and last spoke. Elliot stared at Olivia's now empty chair. His heart felt heavy and his mind totally confused. He could hardly concentrate on the cases at hand by the 7th day without any news from her.

**_How can you just walk away from me,_**

**_When all I can do is watch you leave_**

**_Cos we've shared the laughter and the pain and even shared the tears_**

**_You're the only one who really knew me at all_**

The team was sure that something must have happened to the brunette detective. With so many people looking for her she could have been found by now or worse comes to worse-her body. The rain cleared her tracks and there were no other leads. Casey tried to check Olivia's apartment (before some one from the SVU came and look) but discovered that the lock had been changed. Possibly, it was done after their break up. The red head was really upset with her new discovery. She could feel tears forming in her eyes and shook her head when she realized that meant she wouldn't have a chance to reconcile.

Elliot came with Fin to check out the apartment during the evening. Casey stood outside as Fin kicked the door open. Casey confirmed that this how Olivia's apartment looked like on a typical busy day and it seemed normal. There were some unwashed plates, beer cans, coffee cups and some clothes haphazardly strewn on the floor. The days before she went missing was a busy week hence the condition of her unit was no surprise.

**_So take a look at me now, oh there's just an empty space_**

**_And there's nothing left here to remind me,_**

**_Just the memory of your face_**

**_Ooh take a look at me now, well there's just an empty space_**

**_And you coming back to me is against all odds and that's what I've got to face_**

Casey decided to ignore the pain in her heart and drove around to the places they have been, hoping Olivia would be around. She parked and entered a café Olivia loved to take her after work. Looking around while holding her drink, the ADA was immediately disappointed. She wasn't there. Unbeknownst to her Olivia was actually there seated on the table next to her disguised as Benjamin Leroy Johnson. Olivia was surprised to see her there and became uneasy when she noticed the fatigue on her ex-lover's face still in her immaculate formal wear. Casey stared into space and almost mechanically sipped her coffee. Her fingers tapped on the table and Ben stole a look at her again. Her emerald eyes were wet and shifted from the wall to her own fingers, holding a picture of her beloved detective.

**_I wish I could just make you turn around,_**

**_Turn around and see me cry_**

**_There's so much I need to say to you,_**

**_So many reasons why_**

**_You're the only one who really knew me at all_**

Sensing that someone was looking at her, Casey snapped out of her thoughts and looked at the handsome man next to her. Ben held his breath and quickly turned away half fearing that Casey could recognize her. Casey burdened with her own emotional turmoil stood up and left ignoring him. She wasn't in the mood to talk to anyone being on the verge of crying again, Ben sighed as he watched her go and the moment the door closed he whispered "Casey, I'm so sorry" .He felt like crying too.

Casey drove straight back home. Home didn't feel like home now. It had too many memories. On some days it felt so hard to fall asleep, being lonely and guilt ridden. After a shower, she decides to sleep on the couch instead. The bed reminded of her void in her life. She closed her eyes and hope she really might get some sleep tonight. On the other side of town Ben was equally restless. The now black haired man looked at himself in the mirror feeling bad mixed with relief that the red head couldn't recognize her. His only comfort is that he could be around the areas she frequented safely.

Day 20

At this point Elliot became more desperate and feverishly searched for Olivia with any time he could spare. Olivia's chances slimmed by the day, he knew. Unsettling thoughts frequently creep up to him especially when he was alone in the office. Olivia worked with him daily and was someone he could confide in. "Detective First Class my ass" Elliot muttered the criticism at himself as grew more frustrated. He couldn't help his partner. Cases piled up and without Olivia he found it hard to cope. Without a female detective, the team had a hard time trying to talk to the female or children victims refused to talk to men, totally shut from phobia. Those hitches made things more challenging for the Elliot and Casey to settle cases.

The squad room seemed somber on most days. Elliot noticed that Casey seem to come by once a day just to look at Olivia's table. The ADA expression was rather weird in Elliot's terms. He suspected the she knew something. Was Olivia under some Witness Protection Programme? He could see some guilt in Casey's eyes but couldn't pin point anything. Maybe she was deeply affected by his partner's disappearance just because they were neighbors?

Unable to keep his suspicion down, Elliot confronted Casey and Cragen on separate occasions asking about the Witness Protection Programme. Both Casey and Cragen confirmed there was no such thing. There have been no leads to date, but Elliot's mind couldn't get his suspicions about Casey's behavior. There must be something more about that red head. He had no choice but to wait because he had nothing to link them up, no motive and Casey is an ADA and her knowledge of the law system made her hard to nab. He needed to find evidence.

Day 45

Casey's mind wandered away again. Every time her phone rang she felt nervous. She wanted to answer it badly at the same time she felt sense of dread that it would bid her bad news. She kept talking sense to herself; to concentrate on her job. She wished Olivia was in that witness programme or gone undercover. At least she was sure the brunette could still be alive. The current theories suspects Olivia had either fallen into to river a few hundred meters where her cell phone was found or she had been taken into captivity. There were no detectable signs of a struggle for both cases, the rain probably erased it. There was still room for doubt. There was no proof she went into the river.

**_So take a look at me now,_**

**_Well there's just an empty space_**

**_And there's nothing left here to remind me,_**

**_Just the memory of your face_**

**_Now take a look at me now, cos there's just an empty space_**

**_But to wait for you, is all I can do and that's what I've got to face_**

**_Take a good look at me now, cos I'll still be standing here_**

**_And you coming back to me is against all odds _**

**_It's the chance I've gotta take_**

**_Take a look at me now_**

She wasn't sure if she wanted to leave early today. Coming back to nothing, she couldn't get more sleep even if she tried. Maybe doing some household chores could be a good use of time. All was done within an hour. Feeling satisfied with her work, the ADA thought it would be a good idea to go out for dinner and maybe some drinks. The moment she stepped out of her unit, she noticed an envelope sticking out on the door of Olivia's unit. With trembling hands, she took the envelope and her hands continue to tremble while she held it. It was from the credit card company addressed to Olivia. Hoping for a lead, she decided to open it. Seeing the last transaction on the statement made Casey's eyes widened in shock. "_This can't be! No! Olivia_"her mind screamed

**TO BE CONTINUED….**


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